Just a Normal Life Transition

Today is just a month away from my next enrollment as a law student (claiming that I will be retained despite my crucial grades).

I have always been trying to conceptualize a business plan so as I could do something productive, aside from studying for my post grad degree. Honestly, it was hard for me to decide on things. I don't know, is it really hard or am I just really childish? I wanted to earn money, but I would also like to fulfill my dreams (the unending dilemma - was it still my dream?). I am always so unsure of the things that I should do, and always act so distant about the problems that I encounter. I'm still like a child on how I deal with things, and it seems like I could hardly grow up. I always picture the professional life in my mind, but I just can't accept  the fact that I had to part ways with my childhood and teenage life. I just want a full time adventure.

I wanted to travel the world while I am young, go to places, and enjoy things. I wanted to do that before I completely succumb to workhood, but life goes the other way around. I had to work hard first before I  could experience stuffs like that. Well, my dad and mom endlessly tell me the hardships they had while they were studying. I am already a lucky girl, why should I complain?

Anyway, as I was saying, I have hundreds of business ideas in my mind but I just had to put them into words and graphs so as to be able to implement it. I wanted to grow up now, really. But how do I start?

I am just 21.
Too young to be serious.
Too old to be childish.

I.wanted.to.learn.to.take.responsibilities.

Mixed Emotions

There are only seven days in between this moment and our final exams. I couldn't feel any better for the summer break is really fast approaching, but then, I couldn't feel any worst because this school year has to end.

I still feel the same agony as I feel a year ago before I entered law school. I still feel unsure despite the fact that I am already a law student. It's like an unending decision making that I have to make every single time because my future lies on every second I stay as a law student. There's always two different paths that seduces me, making me confused all the time whether this career is really my destiny. Still, no matter how Lord God puts me to any situation, I have to keep moving, keep fighting, and search for my destiny. In the end, there are greater things out there other than my own happiness. Maybe I'm meant to become a lawyer because I have a mission to take, maybe not.

I am happy I entered law school. I am happy I went to San Beda College of Law. My first year in Law School is indeed a roller coaster ride. The saddest part of it was when one of our classmates died due to fraternal violence, Andre Marcos. I was so happy we had to go to the same class in Beda since he was my classmate back in college. He's the only person I know in class during that time. I could not bring back time and change what happened but I will always pray for him and for his family. That was the very first time I lost a friend, that it almost affected my perception in law. On the bright side of my law school life, I met new friends, and I learned a lot. Now, there's a part of me not wanting this school year to end because no matter how much I like it or not, I have to part with some of my law school friends because like me, they have to take their own paths too. Some might not pursue law anymore, some might transfer to other schools, some might stop schooling for a moment, and some might do something better than going to San Beda. They have been a part of my sleepless nights, mental anguish, besmirched reputation, extreme anxieties, bokya recitations, and a very fruitful year. There's a lot of new things I have experienced with them and I just couldn't accept the fact that we have to part ways. We could always meet again, but couldn't bond as often, we couldn't bond like now. Separation Anxiety.

Whatever happens in the next few weeks, THAT IN ALL THINGS, GOD MAY BE GLORIFIED.

Same Old Stories

This is an old essay I found on my other blog, it is just so sad that I no longer know the password of that blog. I want to deactivate it because I wanted to stick here on blogger.  Anyways, I miss blogging! There's so many things I should have posted, but then I am so busy lazy that's why. I will write poems and essays, and take pictures again after we're done with thesis! hooza booza, few days before graduation =)

People run away from things they are supposed to face. People hide, and people back out of fate. They always move towards the direction against where they are supposed to spend their journey. They veer from the voyage where they rightfully belong. It doesn’t seem right, but it seems realistic. This is the world – the home of human beings… beings that aren’t perfect, and beings that, most of the time, make imperfection an excuse not to do what is right.
I have been a victim of lies and dramas. I have been a target for tricks and fools. I have been what everybody else has, and I have been there to learn, not to hurt.

We all experience pains and snags –
We all get ditched by our friends; somebody rang over the phone, wants to talk to you, and invite you over a party hey ho, hey ho, but you have to spare a lot of gold and efforts, and still you go ‘cause he’s a friend. One day, you we’re discarded by your lover and you call over that friend who invited you to a party so you would have somebody to comfort you, but he makes the worst excuses ‘cause he doesn’t feel like going out. Yeah right, whatever!

We all go through the ache of falling in love… with the bad guy, if not, the wrong one. No, I mean the wrong time. You give your all, you love the most, you surrender your heart, give up everything you have, but in the end, it’s either he finds somebody else hotter and prettier than you, or he simply falls out of love. Same old stories, one takes away the smiles, and the other weep for the pains.

We all know how it feels in failing a grade. Well for the jerks? Maybe getting a grade that doesn’t suffice their expectations. You do your best, you study well, you research a lot, and in the end, your professor’s basis of giving a rating is just how much he likes, or, how much you look good, or otherwise.

We all get scolded. You wanted to go out with your peers but you mom and dad didn’t allow you. It’s because you’re mamsie & pappy are just too 60’s or they’re just so strict, or they’re just so overprotective or this and that. Pick your choice.

No matter what difficulties you make a story with, no matter how many times you share it to others, everybody has the same darn stories. You exist, you suffer, you get happy, and tada! You live. That’s life, hassles aren’t just a part of a test, it is simply a part of life. What’s important is after you have been taken down, you still struggle of standing up.

Well, no matter how I have been betrayed, hurt, and undignified, I am still me, and it’s still my life. That is what makes me, ME.

The Senior Life first half Blast

Oh yes. I feel like I am only a kiddie few days ago, and now, look, I am currently surviving the last year of my stay as a college student. It was only few years back then when all the elders in my town looks so proud of youngsters who are going to enter college, yet without even noticing the passage of time, I am about to exit it already. Oh God, please be there always and guide my way! :)

This sem has been so much of a hell for me. No joke. I actually don't study so much because I already grew lazy studying. hehe. However, I am always forced to study quite a little, or else I won't be able to pass my subjects. The subjects pressured me a lot, had to submit so many things, had to go on overnights, and had to stay awake 24 hours at some times just to be able to finish a requirement.

Thank's God I was able to pass my subjects though I almost thought of failing at some of it.

Just one more semester, and I am off to another more complicated life. Actually, I am now on the struggle of deciding whether to pursue law school or not. I am more of a not-into-it-anymore, but I am not sure if I am ready to be an adult now. I have lost all my auras in studying, and reading, and reading, and reading, and reading, and reading, and reaaaaaaaaadiiiing a lot. I hope I am not as lazy as this. Well, to whatever I am destined to be, God be with me :)

I just did some nasty things lately, and I hope everything turns smooth. I am becoming quite a head sore, and a mess. lol. Be Good now, little girl. Just ONE BLAST, and you'll make it through!

AJA.AJA.AJA. :)

Fate

Heeya. I miss this blog a lot, & I just had to post something because I feel like I left the blog rusting for long. Though I don't write well, I just miss how I usually compose poems & essays before to express my sadness and whatnots. Anyways, I just found an old essay on my ipod so I think it is qualified to be posted here. Hehe. Goodnight!

--

People run away from things they are supposed to face. People hide, and people back out of fate. They always move towards the direction against where they are supposed to spend their journey. They veer from the voyage where they rightfully belong. It doesn’t seem right, but it seems realistic. This is the world – the home of human beings… beings that aren’t perfect, and beings that, most of the time, make imperfection an excuse not to do what is right.

I have been a victim of lies and dramas. I have been a target for tricks and fools. I have been what everybody else has, and I have been there to learn, not to hurt.

We all experience pains and snags –

We all get ditched by our friends; somebody rang over the phone, wants to talk to you, and invite you over a party hey ho, hey ho, but you have to spare a lot of gold and efforts, and still you go ‘cause he’s a friend. One day, you we’re discarded by your lover and you call over that friend who invited you to a party so you would have somebody to comfort you, but he makes the worst excuses ‘cause he doesn’t feel like going out. Yeah right, whatever!

We all go through the ache of falling in love… with the bad guy, if not, the wrong one. No, I mean the wrong time. You give your all, you love the most, you surrender your heart, give up everything you have, but in the end, it’s either he finds somebody else hotter and prettier than you, or he simply falls out of love. Same old stories, one takes away the smiles, and the other weep for the pains.

We all know how it feels in failing a grade. Well for the jerks? Maybe getting a grade that doesn’t suffice their expectations. You do your best, you study well, you research a lot, and in the end, your professor’s basis of giving a rating is just how much he likes, or, how much you look good, or otherwise.

We all get scolded. You wanted to go out with your peers but you mom and dad didn’t allow you. It’s because you’re mamsie & pappy are just too 60’s or they’re just so strict, or they’re just so overprotective or this and that. Pick your choice.

No matter what difficulties you make a story with, no matter how many times you share it to others, everybody has the same darn stories. You exist, you suffer, you get happy, and tada! You live. That’s life, hassles aren’t just a part of a test, it is simply a part of life. What’s important is after you have been taken down, you still struggle of standing up.

Well, no matter how I have been betrayed, hurt, and undignified, I am still me, and it’s still my life. That is what makes me, ME. J